hats.

I’ve always had a love hate relationship with the ideas I learned in Sociology class about the “hats” we wear in connection to our role identities. I don’t remember who came up with this idea (because I took that class over a decade ago) but from what I remember, it’s the idea that we wear many “hats” that identify and signify our roles in society. 

When I first learned about this idea, it made sense but I didn’t truly give it the thought it deserved or maybe 20 year old me just didn’t really care. As I got older, gave it some real thought, and acquired more and more hats, I imagined switching all the different invisible hats from my head every time I was fulfilling a different role. I would also imagine all the hats stacked on my head (like Dobby in Harry Potter; he collects all the hats Hermione knits and stacks them all high atop his head like the Leaning Tower of Pisa). 

Thinking about all of the “hats” I’ve acquired was extremely overwhelming. The hats I was born with (e.g. Woman), hats that I can never take off (e.g. Daughter), the hats I chose to wear (e.g. Mom), the hats that come with the choices I’ve made (e.g. Snack Bitch), the hats I’ve yet to choose (e.g. TBD), and the hats that just happen to land on my head weather I want them to or not (e.g. Girl with Ulcerative Colitis). I viewed the hats, not only as role identities but as society’s expectations of me. So. Many. Expectations. I started to feel the weight of each hat and they were HEAVY. 

I decided I needed to find the positivity in all of this or all of my hats would crush me. So, from this ever growing list of hats that had always made me anxious and overwhelmed, I found the silver lining. I thought of all of the hats I CHOSE to put on my head which made me feel lighter and the hats not so burdening. I have chosen jobs, friends, a husband, to become a mother, homeowner, etc. This definitely calmed the chaos and made me realize I’m somewhat in control. From that I realized that even if there is a hat on my head that I did not put there, I was still able to make choices about how I participated in society while wearing that hat. Although the hat defined my role in society, it did not define me.

Out of all of the hats I wear, will wear, or have worn, Mom is my favorite. Mom is a hat I chose and didn’t quite know what to expect. It’s also a hat I’ll never be able to take off (not that I would ever want to). Honestly, it’s the heaviest and most significant hat that I’ll ever wear that I never expected to love so much. 

All these “hats” that identify my roles in society just remind me of how many people I’m connected to, how many people count on me, how many choices I have, and how much responsibility comes with being human. 

It can really be overwhelming when I think of everything I am, everything I’ve chosen to be, and everything I will become. But it’s also beautiful, challenging, and what makes life worth living. When it comes down to it I’m just grateful to be anything at all.

Woman, Mom, Daughter, Step-Daughter, Daughter-in-law, Granddaughter, Sister, Step-Sister, Sister-in-law, Aunt, Niece, Cousin, Cousin-in-law, Pisces, Wife, Dog mom, Cat mom, Friend, Best Friend, Student, Bear-Sitter, Photographer, Stitch Fix Stylist, Medical Assistant, Snack Bitch, Taxi, Chef, Personal shopper, Housekeeper, Ass wiper, Teacher, Nurturer, Barista, Care Taker, Operations Manager, Account Clerk, Telemarketer, Girl with Ulcerative Colitis, Asthma …